Swap your scrolling for scouting, gather your favorite people, and eat something delicious
With our mission of getting offline and into the kitchen, I thought we should start with a practical exercise: using our online time as a tool. What better way to focus our time and effort than to host a dinner? You won’t be scrolling; you’ll be scouting — the most drool-worthy recipe, the perfect tablescape, where the knife actually goes, and which wine you are supposed to drink with chicken. This is some good old-fashioned R&D, not mind-numbing procrastination.
Here’s your assignment: take all that scrolling you’ve been doing — guiltily, at midnight, telling yourself it’s a waste of time and turn it into something real. A dinner. Six people, a table, food you made or curated. Let this be proof that our phone time can be put to good use.
Hosting can be intimidating for many people, well, because it can be a lot of effort. Let it be a challenge and embrace all the life lessons and laughs that come along with it. So you don’t get overwhelmed before we have even begun, let’s calm our nerves and talk things out a little. Step by step, you and me.
The Guest List
Ohhh, the politics of the guest list. I try not to succumb to this, but if asked to pick a side, I will. Keep it small, comfortable, cozy — no more than ten, fewer if this is your first time. Mixing friend/family groups can be a lovely thing, or it can be a mountain of stress. I say to keep it to people who make you feel comfortable. You are already doing something potentially stressful, and if Aunt Karen only has negative things to say, she may not get the invite this go around.
The Menu
This is where all that scrolling really starts to pay off. The recipe, or 17, you saved three months ago, the dish you’re still thinking about from your last trip to Portugal, the reel that made you stop in your scroll and take a screenshot, that is the launching-off point for your menu inspiration; it’s your R&D, baby. Pick dishes you’re genuinely excited about making, serving, and eating. An inspired menu keeps you fueled when things get overwhelming, and they will. If you despise polenta, then for the love of tomatoes don’t make polenta.
Simplicity is your guiding light when it comes to menu selection, and you don’t have to cook the entire meal yourself — buy a few things premade, let guests contribute, or take the helm yourself, but just make sure to strategize.
The majority of your menu should be made in advance, for your own sanity. You will not catch me trying to get four dishes to finish at the exact same time mere minutes before serving while guests stare at you with hungry, bloodshot eyes. Save yourself the anxiety and be strategic.
A little finishing is unavoidable — tossing a salad, crisping something under the broiler, warming a side that’s already cooked. Keep it to a minimum, and if someone offers to help, let them!
One rule I don’t break: I never make a dish I haven’t made before, usually more than once. That new recipe that just dropped on Substack looks incredible, but unless you’re genuinely up for a dry run, save it for a slow Sunday when trial and error is welcome. I encourage you to be curious in the kitchen — just not tonight.
Dessert should be simple and premade. No one needs to be sweating it out over a soufflé while their guests are mid-gab session. After dinner’s had a minute to settle, fire up the espresso machine, offer regular or decaf, and don’t be shy about delegating the plating of the desserts.
The Timeline
The biggest reason people don’t love hosting is a lack of strategy. Plain and simple. Winging it might work for some, but I operate best with a plan — and this is where a little of that scrolling turns into an actual system: a day-of-cooking timeline is a must, a plan mapped out a few days ahead is great, a full color-coded spreadsheet a week out is elite. I love this part, maybe even sometimes more than the actual event (just kidding).
Aim for no more than three major tasks on the actual day of the dinner. I promise you that three things to do the day of is plenty. This also leaves room to solve issues that pop up at the last minute and to ready everything that was made the day before. Everything else is purposefully planned for earlier. A rough template:
A few days before: shop for ingredients and flowers
The day before: prep everything that can be made in advance, set the table
Day of: finish anything that needs last-minute attention, plus your three day-of tasks, and any last-minute problem-solving
The Table
You don’t need a full tablescape with carrot chandeliers and butter sculptures. Keep it cute, keep it casual. Flowers are nice, al fresco is divine, matching plates aren’t necessary — just not paper. I don’t worry too much about a theme unless something comes naturally: Summer in the South of France, Italian Lemon Dream, Cape Cod Chic. Let the menu suggest a theme if it wants to, and let the rest fall where it may.
Use what you have. Scraps of fabric for a table runner, plenty of candles (battery-operated, no one needs a house fire on top of everything else), flowers that fit the season, and light decor you find around your house. This is the other place all that scrolling earns its keep; use all the tablescapes you archived as a mood board, get inspired, and let your creative juices flow.
No matter how you choose to style your table, set it the night before or early the day of — one less item on the to-do list. Lay out the dishware you’re planning to use for each dish ahead of time so you’re not improvising in the moment. Everything has been accounted for, and there is no last-minute scrambling.
The Music
Music is essential, but I am not a DJ. I pick a pre-made playlist from whatever streaming service I’m using and call it a day. Keep it light and mostly background noise — until you start cleaning up, then crank it up.
Hosting Etiquette
Contributions
I rarely want to add extra stress onto my guests — sometimes just showing up is the task. So I don’t ask people to bring anything. I will add a small note on the invitation: “If you’re inspired, bring a beverage to share.” It’s nice for people to have a boundary if they want to contribute, but I make it clear that I value their presence more than anything else.
Dietary Needs
Always ask about dietary requirements ahead of time. I’d rather know than be scrambling last minute because someone mentions they don’t eat meat and you’ve built the whole menu around a perfectly roasted leg of lamb. Accommodate anything you know about in advance. When it’s time to serve, don’t make a production out of the swap — pull the guest aside quietly and let them know what’s different on their plate. No need to draw attention to it.
Cancellations
Last-minute cancellations are a real bummer, especially on the night you worked hard to pull together. My somewhat sneaky trick: send a few photos of the prep and food earlier in the day. Yes, I am the woman guilt-tripping you off your couch with food photos. It works. It gets people excited, and it’s usually enough to talk someone out of a Netflix and chill night and back into showing up. They’re always glad they did.
WRAP-UP
If guests don’t automatically offer to help clear up, ask. You just curated a great night for everyone — it’s more than fair to get a little help at the end. This doesn’t mean handing out mops and scrub brushes. Plates to the sink, or straight into the dishwasher if you’re lucky, chairs stacked, leftovers into containers. That’s plenty.
As host, you’re in charge of what happens to the leftovers, if there are any. Keeping it all for yourself is completely acceptable. If that feels like too much, divvy it up and send people home with plates. I always send dessert home with people — I will not be responsible for finishing an entire cake alone.
ONE LAST THING
Remember, this is supposed to be fun. Let loose, make a few memories, and don’t feel like you have to do this every week. But here’s the part I actually want you to sit with: every recipe you drooled over and saved, every tablescape you gawked at and screenshot, every “how to” tutorial you toiled through at midnight and felt vaguely embarrassed about — it wasn’t wasted. It was all in the name of research.
We are not rioting against the internet, not swearing off scrolling forever — just using it as a tool to build something in real life. Connecting with people will do that. It always does.
Cheers,
Nicole | Butter Cult🧈
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Thanks for your support💛 I am here to help whip your confidence into shape, inside and outside the kitchen! We are going to tackle all things culinary together, you will be filleting a fish and hosting that dinner party of 10 in no time😏, or maybe you just learn how to cut an onion the right way. For more adventures in and out of the kitchen, follow @buttercultcooking on Instagram and Threads.
