Cow Cud, Boring Birds, and Pizza Parties
Stop Should-ing Your Pants this Holiday Season
Should, should, should.
A word that has been ping ponging around my brain for the past umpteen months. You should stay at this job because the job market is really tough right now—even though it’s not a good fit and your body is quite literally rejecting it.
You should want to like kale because it’s good for you—even though it’s impossible to chew without creating a cow-cud situation.
You should feel bad if you don’t have anything planned on the big T-day, because we are supposed to have a big family that always agrees about politics—even though you are happy as a clam to sit on your couch and watch football in peace.
You should want to cook a turkey on Thanksgiving because that is what you are supposed to eat—even though turkey is the blandest, most boring bird on the planet, and you would rather roast 17 cornish game hens than one measly turkey.
The honest truth is: you don’t want this job, you don’t want to eat kale, you don’t want to sit with someone else’s family on Thanksgiving, and for the love of mashed potatoes, you DO NOT WANT to eat another bite of turkey ever again! Or at least don’t want to cook one again. (I would eat some turkey if it were presented to me, preferably on a silver platter and smothered in gravy.)
Here is your sign, outside validation, permission slip, complete with a doctor’s note—to not do anything that you think you should this holiday season.
I am not talking about things that you have to do. There is a very big difference between the have to and should categories.
You have to take out the trash.
You have to eat your vegetables (doesn’t have to be kale).
You have to go to work.
You have to clean the bathroom.
You have to call back your best friend.
You have to pay your taxes.
You have to scoop the litter box.
You have to be nice.
You have to make coffee in the morning!
If you don’t do these things, your life might end up imploding or, at the very least, you could risk turning into an uncaffeinated sycophant who has no friends and a house that smells like the bog of eternal stench🤢.
When the holidays come a knockin’, the shoulds can start to pile up, and that feeling of existential dread and overwhelm slowly starts to ooze over you, and you are at high risk of getting caught in a should spiral or your own making! The shoulds start firing at you from all angles💥💥💥
I should run around to three separate Thanksgiving dinners and stuff my face at each one, barely making eye contact with Aunt Jane because you got your eye on that last dinner roll (even though you are already bursting).
I should really invite Uncle Bob to dinner, even though he is a drunken slob kabob and never says thank you.
I should make a pumpkin pie because it’s supposed to be good.
I should not wear stretch pants to dinner because my family always dresses up.
I should not talk politics at the table and cause a large brouhaha and ruin Thanksgiving. (Even though Uncle Bob will probably do this anyway.)
I should eat a scoop of the sweet potato casserole even though it tastes like baby food.
I should actually cook on Thanksgiving, even though I am tired and can barely manage to get dinner on the table on a Tuesday.
😵💫😵💫😵💫
Let’s take some deep breaths all together.
Inhale…Exhale…Inhale…Exhale…
Let’s give ourselves the permission to break any and all shoulds that are not serving us this holiday season. You can start slow if you need to (change is hard), remove just one should from your life this season, and see how you feel. This anti-shouldingpractice can bring up some unsavory appetizers of guilt and shame, and can be particularly difficult for the people pleaser in all of us. I get it. Easy does it. Practicing your anti-shoulding WILL get easier.
Traditions can be a huge culprit for our should-ing tendencies, especially around the holidays. This is always how we have done it, is often the guilty hook to make you fall in line just for the sake of tradition and to not ruffle grandma’s feathers. I love the idea of tradition; it creates core memories, is a breeding ground for nostalgia, and was onceNOT a should. The keyword there being was. Keeping traditions alive is a beautiful thing, but ONLY if these traditions are serving you and the group in the present day and you are not blindly following the, This is always how we have done it, trope.
A tradition that once felt satisfying and full 5 years ago might feel stagnant and lifeless in your current situation. Your family size may have shifted in growth or loss, relationship dynamics evolve, kids grow up, people move away, or the chef in the family decides they are boycotting turkey. I am asking you to have a check-in with yourself (maybe your family too, if that wouldn’t end in utter disaster) and ask yourself, am I shoulding my pants right now?
Maybe your family dynamics have shifted, and a large grand dinner starts to feel empty. It’s time for a potluck situation, or a pizza party, or roast a chicken in lieu of turkey, but still with all the fixings!
Maybe all the kids are growing up and sitting in a circle, opening presents has just turned into everyone giving gift cards. It’s time for a holiday rebrand, and let’s put our gifting money towards an experience we can all enjoy!
Maybe you opt out of the big family dinner to avoid some unnecessary conflict or stress. Save yourself and show up for some dessert and a nightcap; you can keep it together for an hour!
Maybe you are le tired, and you don’t want to touch a dish this holiday season. Book a table at a restaurant, buy your meal premade, or get yourself out of town and eat takeout on your hotel bed. (Highly recommend this for New Year’s Eve.)
Let all the shoulds out🎉
Gather them on the kitchen counter and sort through them. Is there one that you could go all in on, put your feet down, look out for yourself, and leave everyone else’s grips to the group chat? What can you compromise on, what can you discard altogether, what can you respectfully opt out of, and what new things can you replace them with? This is a should audit!
Shedding my should.
This year, I AM NOT MAKING TURKEY! You heard that right. NO turkey in this house this year. Will the family be upset? I don’t know, and I am choosing to let them deal with any disappointments they may have about the no-turkey issue. I went rogue with the menu on Thanksgiving a few years ago, and overheard someone being annoyed that there was no turkey; we are not catering to that anymore. If I am the one cooking, I am the one making the large meat decisions. No turkey and no f**ks given, respectfully of course.
Simple as that, friends. Pick a should and release it and skip down the lane in peace and joy! (If you are feeling any guilt, that is normal, get a therapist, y’all. All the millennials are doing it.)
I am wishing you the happiest Thanksgiving this year, encouraging you to eat what you want, celebrate how you want, and be grateful for anything you want! Sending you so much love and pie😘, see you in December.
Cheers,
Nicole | Butter Cult
